We all need feedback and reflection sometimes from a good friend about some stuff we are going through on a personal level because there is only so much self-work you can do by “yourself”. We all have blind spots and can’t see ourselves fully objectively. Most unconscious stuff only comes up in relationship (not just the romantic kind).
Compassionate mirroring is especially needed in a “conscious relationship” with an intimate partner which goes way beyond just enjoying “romance”. I’m very grateful to my partner Laura that we are able to hold space for each other that way and dive deep with compassion, love and emotional vulnerability in a safe/sacred container, never forgetting/losing the connection to the Divine/the true self. It is the most important foundation in a “conscious” relationship where unconscious stuff tends to come up, ironically – brought to light – which is the whole point of a “conscious” relationship. It’s like an alchemical catalyst that heals both partners and strengthens the relationship via transmuting it into “higher” expressions of love each time and the bond grows stronger.
However, what is also needed is a strong foundation of collinearity beyond mutual “interests” or “personality traits” but a spiritual foundation where both people “look into the same direction” with a common aim. It also all depends on both partner’s level of being and how each person is SINCERELY engaged in their own self-work as individuals and the work they have already done in the past.
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
It is important that the other person (friends, partner) we confide in and ask for feedback is also sincerely engaged in the same work with a basic understanding of psychology and archetypal relationship dynamics (not just the romantic kind), such as shadow projection, childhood wounding (everyone is wounded to one degree of another because no one had perfect parents that were 100% available all the time attending to your needs) and how childhood wounding affects the present unconsciously.
Other factors come in as well, such as occult interferences, psychic attacks, related to the “topic of all topics”. But the basic foundation is the deeper inner work, because occult entities work through our wounding, blind spots and ego hooks which they feed off of. This is the Archonic/Wetiko alien infection (Paul Levy), Castaneda’s predator, Sri Aurobindo’s occult hostile forces or the General Law in the esoteric christian tradition, etc., trying to keep us plugged into the Matrix. We cut off their food source through sincere self-work and not becoming slaves to our emotional mechanical reactions and triggers. It’s also important to establish the inner witness in order to observe ourselves. This is a very different state then “getting into ones head”. It’s about being present on all levels, body, mind, emotion, and spirit. A trusted friend/partner can help us with that.
If we confide in or seek feedback from someone who is not engaged in sincere self-work and doesn’t understand basic psychology or how occult forces “operate” and influence us, then the feedback we receive might only strengthen our false self, the buffers with all the ego-mind’s justifications or they may put us down via shadow projections. Everyone wants to feel good, but sincere self-work is a destructive process. It entails confronting all the lies we’ve been telling ourselves, our wounds we have buffered up, our entitlement of what we think we want and need from others, our expectations, etc. Diving deep into the self can be very disturbing and challenging, causing physical and emotional pain, especially when we receive mirrors from others that point out issues in ourselves we never really saw before. But the person giving the mirror needs to be aware of the issue of projection, so the mirror is not a disguised shadow projection, hence, again, we need someone who has this understanding and is SINCERELY engaged in the work him/herself. But most importantly is for us to look into the mirror ourselves and ask: How sincere am I?
In order to do self-work we also need to know HOW to do it and that entails study and reading as well. Our mind and emotions can fool us so much. There is no way we can just “feel”, “meditate” or “think” ourselves through it without knowledge of how to do self-work, be it esoteric or psychological knowledge. We may get glimpses of insights here and there, but we can still fool ourselves without being aware of it if we don’t have a “higher context”, over-estimating ourselves in the process, even possibly engaging in spiritual bypassing. Moreover, knowledge needs to be applied. We all can have great insights and get inspired when we are reading some spiritual/psychological quotes/books when we are in a good place/space, but when the rubber hits the road and stuff comes up we sometimes tend to forget what we just learned and almost regress to the wounded child and the false personality and we literally forget ourselves – our true self. Again, a trusted friend/partner can help us stay “on track”, like being “alarm clocks” to each other as Gurdjieff said.
So, receiving feedback from others can make things better or worse. Many factors come on. If it makes us feel better, it does not necessarily mean that the feedback is true, but can feed our neurotic narcissistic ego, bypassing what needs to be confronted. Likewise if the feedback we get hurts something in us, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this is not true or that the other person is trying to hurt us. We have an astonishing ability to fool ourselves, lie to ourselves and feel justified in our “likes” and “dislikes” hardly questioning what “I” is speaking at any given moment, the true self or the conditioned/wounded self. Shocks and disillusionment are part of the process.
Obviously positive re-enforcement and encouraging the other person is very much needed as well, if it comes from a sincere place. Not all mirrors are about pointing out our “wounded” blindspots but also about bringing to light the other person’s soul-embodied power, joy, talents and inspirations – to truly SEE the other person. The work never stops either but all there is are lessons. There is also no end to love.
Read more about relationships on Bernhard’s website, Piercing the Veil of Reality.
Courtesy of Wake Up World
July 6th, 2018 By Open
Contributing writer for Wake Up World
The shift is challenging relationships to evolve.
Our consciousness shift is hotting up.
People are unwinding, unfolding and breaking free
from aeons of constraint.
It’s a truly wonderful movement to behold.
I feel blessed to be here during these times …
by Janet Eileene, Guest writer, In5D.com
Relationship cord cutting is a powerful healing tool to release the toxic flow between two people, a job or virtually any relationship past or present.
This process is a means to cut cords that bind you with another person. The longer the cord is running between you and your partner or ex-partner the harder it is to not repeat what didn’t work the first time. Intimacy creates cords and connects two people in either extremely satisfying ways or abusive patterns. I recommend cutting cords to all past and present lovers. The way the cord connects you and someone else leaves an easy medium to send things back and forth and usually not in a healthy manner.
We can also cut the cords on current relationships to shift the toxins out in order to renew and keep the energy clear between you. This makes for a balanced exchange free of past hurts and blames. By having an opportunity to talk to each other from a higher-self perspective and say what needs said without the confrontation.
The basic procedure involves the person you would like to cut to standing about 10 feet in front of you. You are facing each other. See the cord that is running between you. I have seen ones 5 feet across and 6 feet in diameter to just a thread. It will depend on what all is there between you on the size of the cord. You will need to state the intent to cut the cord and you can name the reasons if you choose to. I recommend you also include past and future lives that are affecting you now. You are cutting the cord and the other being does not have to participate but the cord will be cut regardless. Choose scissors, a knife, a sword, a chain saw if it is really big or anything else that will do the job of cutting this cord right down the middle. The cord is cut and the ends fall to the ground and start releasing all the toxins, pain, and content that use to flow back and forth between the two of you. Being attached made you send things back and forth that most likely had nothing to do with nurturing or creating a loving relationship. Watch the toxins pour out and be transmuted as you see the cords start to get smaller.
Go to higher-self level and ask to speak to the other person’s higher-self. Now both of you back up 2-3 feet. As you do, observe to make sure there are not any more cords that show up now that the large one is cut. As you move the person back from you, sometimes you start to see a whole other network of cords that need cut. Start using your knife, sword or other cutting tool to cut these cords off of you as you turn in a circle, check overhead, under feet and on your back. Keep cutting until it feels there are no more to cut. These cords will also drain and shrink in size as they release the energy that bound you to the other person.
Move the other person back another 5 feet and check again to see if everything has been cut. Repeat the steps again if you find anything else. Then from the higher-self perspective say what you need to say to the other person and they can say to you what needs to be said. Sometimes it is not possible to forgive the actions of another or make what they did ok but you can forgive them to free yourself to move on. When you forgive them, you forgive yourself and release yourself from the cord that bound you in repeating patterns that no longer serve you. When you have said what is needed, ask that their higher-self to take them to where they can finish the healing process and heal where the cords were hooked in.
When the other person is gone, step into your own sacred space of healing and ask that all the cords that are now dried up be removed and the hooks or anchors be dissolved forever. Fill these pockets of empty holes with the sacred light of healing. When there are large cords the cavity will be filled with the healing light that is appropriate for you. Sometimes you will be taken to a place and asked to remain in the healing space for a period of time so all the spaces are filled and the re-balancing is complete.
When the process is complete be sure to give gratitude for the help during the process and then slowly go about getting up and going about your day. You will be amazed at how much lighter you feel. You took control of your life and changed yourself through the process. This can be done as many times as you need to with the other relationships be it, the same person again, family, situation or job.
We get tangled up in the cords that tie us to each other. Everyone is responsible for creating the energy and the life they want to lead. Cords keep us connected to thinking that what we want is outside of ourselves and someone else is responsible for giving it to us. Freeing your energy keeps your power and strength available for your own use. So get the scissors, knife, sword, or chain saw out and cut the cords to freedom.
About the author: If you would like assistance with this cord cutting process, please e-mail or go to my website. Janet brings her own tool belt of cutting equipment! www.Starflowerconsulting.com | Starflowerconsulting@gmail.com
Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.” ~Harriet Lerner
Three decades ago, I married the man with whom I knew I would spend the rest of my life. We each had a rough childhood and had learned a lot about surviving, defending, and protecting ourselves. However, we did not know much about how to maintain a successful relationship.
We took numerous classes on communication, learned to fight fair, and filled our goodwill bank accounts with lots of positive actions. However, despite our best efforts, something was still missing.
There were times that the relationship felt smothering, and new types of problems kept arising. I got sick of saying “we” all of the time instead of “I.” Once when I was sick and slept in a different room, I was equally fascinated and worried by how much I enjoyed being by myself.
Yes, we had learned to reconnect, to repair our troubles, and to deepen our intimacy. However, we had not yet figured out the crucial step necessary for keeping your relationship healthy.
When it comes to love, we have two essential tasks. One, as most of us know, is to learn the skills and practices that allow relationships to thrive. The other lesson is less familiar to most people, but it is even more important. We must also learn how to love ourselves.
By self-love, I do not refer to the type of vanity that is fed by money, power, influence, a gym-toned body, and the admiration of others. What I mean is the kind of love that leads to self-care, not only of our physical health but also of our minds and hearts.
It’s the kind of love that creates for ourselves the time and space to develop and to use our talents. It’s the kind of love that frees us to discover and to foster our true purpose in life.
To become truly wholehearted in our loving, we have to look at when we have acted in a “half-hearted” manner and when have we been “closed-hearted.” Also, we have to examine when it is that we have responded in a “hard-hearted” way.
Our biggest challenge is to achieve the “whole” in wholehearted. In order to love anyone in a wholehearted way, we need to make ourselves whole first. We must integrate the two forces—the “me” and the “we.”
Let me be clear about the three things that are not wholeness:
- A constant state of happiness
- An ongoing state of acceptance, love, and balance
- A perpetual feeling of well-being
Wholeness truly means accepting “the whole enchilada.” The hard, the sad, the mad, the scared, and the glad are all parts of you. The gratitude and the resentment together make you whole.
Your acceptance of all the pieces of yourself makes you whole. Here are five practices that can each help us find our wholeness.
1. Spend quality time with yourself.
I once heard someone say that spending time with yourself is the greatest practice you can do, and I didn’t understand at the time what the speaker meant.
While alone, I always felt like I was “by myself.” I mistook being alone for loneliness. It took me years to discover the pleasure of walking in nature, exploring an art museum, or hanging out at a farmer’s market loving my own company as much as with another person.
2. Each day, check to make sure your self-esteem is balanced by your self-criticism.
People sometimes mistake self-love for self-indulgence. Challenging myself when I am not living up to my own standards is important, but it must be done with compassion. Learning to love yourself despite your imperfections allows you to accept other people’s imperfections.
3. Find a practice that centers you.
Sitting in a lotus position and concentrating on breathing allows some people to find focus; there are also other practices like Zen meditation, walking meditation, Vipanassa meditation, and many more.
In addition, there are methods of centering that are just as powerful for self-reflection; dance, art, writing, and prayer are just a few examples. What they all have in common is that we can use them to check in.
4. Take an inventory of where you are right now. Explore it in your mind.
Body: Am I satisfied with the ways I nourish my body? How can I make even better choices? Examine your nutrition, exercise for strength, flexibility, endurance, and cardiac wellness as well as all of the other kinds of self-care you can practice.
Mind: Am I feeling fed, challenged, expanded, and interested? Am I growing?
Spirit: Am I satisfied with the definition I have for spirit? How can I get more in touch my spirit? Is there a place within me where I can find peacefulness, wisdom, and guidance?
Emotional: How am I coping with my current challenges? Is there a flow of different feelings, or do I find myself stuck on one emotion? Do I feel balanced?
Social: How am I connected with the people in my life (family, friends, partner, coworkers)? What’s working, and where do I want to make changes?
5. Develop a daily gratitude practice and begin by showing yourself appreciation.
Ask yourself about the victories you have had during the week. Acknowledge when you did something that was brave. Thank yourself for taking the time to feel gratitude.
As you explore these five techniques, you might discover others. You will find you already have wholeness inside; you just have to find the keys to open the door.
When we feel good about ourselves, we’re more likely to feel generous toward others; it’s a symbiotic relationship. We feel grounded and centered enough to take risks and to reach out to others. We feel safe by acknowledging our shortcomings and forgiving ourselves, so we are able to open up to our partners wholeheartedly.
About Linda Carroll
Linda Carroll—MS, is a writer, psychotherapist and a love/life coach specializing in relationship issues of all kinds for both singles and couples, assisting people in their life transitions. Sign up for a free 15 minute coaching session or her free newsletter at www.lindaacarroll.com.You can order her book Love Cycles; The Five Essential Stages of Wholehearted Love on amazon.
These times are very explosive with sudden changes that force rapid transformation unexpectedly, and this can be very painful for many people that are undergoing tremendous amounts of pressure and stress in their lives. Very few people on the earth have the proper context to apply the knowledge of planetary ascension and understand how this massive event is directly impacting their lives thereby dismantling ego and obsolete structures. Thus, when we are feeling more stressed we may react too quickly and say things coming from impulses that we may regret later. Therefore, let us remember to take extra care to be kind and to proceed slowly with conscious thought and reflection within our interactions with others, and attempt to hold all of our communications with special care, to intend to be clear, kind and compassionate even in the most stressful and confusing of situations. May we find the inner stillness and peace that enables us to feel unconditional love in order to support each of us to reconnect with the deepest part of our own inner light and heart, in so that we begin to live as free, authentic and creative source beings once again. For I Am God. I Am Sovereign and I Am Free!
This is true for every person at all times and this law is upheld for all without exception. All people deserve to know the inner truth of their own heart and soul, and to be able to live on the earth free of fear and free of suffering. During these intense times of shifting, let’s try to not create any more pain or dramas within the community or between ourselves. This is what it means to be gentle with our hearts and to be gentle with each other. In light of these challenging circumstances, we all can benefit from improving our compassionate communication skills, improving our relating skills personally, and interpersonally. As we shift from individuated personality consciousness to merge towards unity in diversity within a group consciousness setting, we will find many communication challenges in the group dynamics that we may find ourselves. Whether its family groups, professional groups, social groups, spiritual groups, community groups, online groups, we will need to find better ways to master communications within any of these relationships. As a result of the need to find ways to open mutual dialogues within diverse and polarizing view points, this is a skill set that will go a long way to serve not only our personal mission, but support every aspect of our lives. We all can benefit from improving our communication skills, to commit to be relationally safe people, kind people, and compassionate people that refuse to direct more of the negative energy that is being transmitted and stirred up by the Controllers and the NAA at this time to feed division and invoke fear.
With that in mind we set forth a few guidelines to remember when communicating with others or relating with others, in our community or in any area of your life. Choosing Service to Others based communication guidelines through the desire to gain mastery in all relationships will create much greater ease in all of the interpersonal relationships that you have. So let’s review some of these basic guidelines of mastering relationships and working with these guidelines every day, so that we can improve our self mastery and improve our compassionate communication skills.
#1: Self-Responsibility. Being able to own your own emotional conflicts without blame or projection upon another person by making it their fault. Do not assume that you know anything about that person that can be judged for what you cannot see or really know about them, as you have not walked in their shoes. When feeling upset towards somebody else, restore balance to your heart and aura by lovingly holding boundaries without violating others boundaries, by expecting them to resolve your conflict. Be willing and open to learn what the real issue is that has created the conflict. As most of the time, we’re upset about something deep down from our own inner fears and it’s not what it appears to be. By going deeper and reflecting on forgiveness of ourselves and forgiveness of others, while allowing the time and space needed to heal, helps to neutralize the conflict in most cases.
#2: Conservation. Being able to discern the right use of action harnesses precious time and life force so that we can all be more effective and impactful in our lives. Cultivate the wisdom of knowing when to engage and when not to engage with others in conflicting circumstances or dramas. No person needs to justify their existence or choices to another person or really needs to care what other people think of them. Attempt to stay clear of emotional drama or emotional tantrums by not engaging with them. It means that you do not feed the drama to escalate into chaos or further disruption. Dark energies and dark forces use emotional drama to instigate schisms and chaos between yourself and others. Making all of us especially in this spiritual family less effective by scattering our energies and generating more confusion. When we learn to conserve our energy, it means we have a stronger focus and one becomes more effective and productive in their lives. When we learn conservation skills, we actually gain more resources and a deeper connection with our spiritual source. If we waste time and we waste energy, we reach an energy threshold that cannot be increased or circulated. This potentially drains us and therefore dissipates the positive influence and positive frequencies we intended to circulate back into the environment. When we are scattered with our personal energies, this makes us less effective and impactful in the world.
#3: Learning how to Respond. In the moment, learn how to choose your response rather than react to life events, people and challenging circumstances. Reaction and impulses are subconscious programming and it mostly operates from a preconceived idea of fear or mind control. Observe the reactions inside of your body, in regard to yourself and others, and ask your body to show you the story of where the impulses are coming from. The memory that is behind the subconscious program of that reaction. As one learns to enquire about the reactions that you automatically generate, much is learned about our body consciousness and this can effectively be healed and cleared from continuing the reaction or trigger. Emotional catharsis techniques and much of the ES Core Triad practices include several steps to help release the story, clearing the memory from the body so it can return to a new pattern which is free of automatic and reactive pain. Choosing forgiveness, choosing kindness, choosing compassion and working on choosing self-love and self-acceptance is all a decision one has the power to make in every moment. By choosing your responses, you are gaining control over your self.
#4: Reverence. All beings have the right to exist and to co-exist. By learning there are mutual benefits present between all relationships and by respecting each person’s right to exist is a demonstration of reverence for life. Reverence for life force and for God force in all of its aspects and in all of its permutations. We choose to avoid behaviors of criticism or presumption, or being disrespectful with harmful accusations in order to gain control or to manipulate others, such as by giving unsolicited advice or placing demands. Learn to live and let live.
#5: Humility. By knowing our place in the universe and the role we play, one acts in humility, knowing that all is a part of the God source. All is equal in the love of God and no being, no person is judged as better or worse, higher or valued more than any other. By acting from humility and from devoting yourself to spiritual service when you are called upon to do something, this is an action of stewardship in humility that you accept the job given. There is no self-entitlement given in spiritual service. Entitlement is a distortion of spiritual ambition and negative ego that feels superior to others. And if self-entitlement is left unchecked in leadership, it will result in a correction or what is known as a root downfall.
#6: Discernment. Without using ego judgment test the personal resonance of people, events and circumstances that you choose to engage with or exchange with, determining which is either aligned to your person or not aligned to your person, in that moment. There is no right or wrong answer, only personal resonance and choice. That answer may change continually in different timelines depending on when you ask the question and what powers of discernment are cultivated. Learning personal discernment builds our necessary boundaries to discover what is productive and supportive for fulfilling our spiritual path or not. Discernment allows for continual productive growth and for the effective use of our personal energies and focused attention. By upholding our personal boundaries and applying discernment towards all things that we focus our energy and our attention upon, we are more effectively managing our consciousness and life force.
#7 Direct Knowing. By feeling in the moment what the energy is communicating, or what the environment is communicating to you, suspend linear thought and surrender mental chatter to feeling of what you know in that present moment of time. This is direct knowing, breathing in the moment, feeling the energy signature in the environment will open our higher senses to allow the energy to give our body impressions and information without words. When being present, higher knowing becomes connected with you at all times. What you know now in this moment is all you will ever need to move forward. Breathe and take in what is in front of you now as direct knowing. Every moment in the feeling of the direct knowing will be available to you in the present. Generally, we know much more in the feeling of the moment, than we mentally acknowledge ourselves for. Pay attention to what is in front of you. What does now feel like. Let the energy and the feeling response give information and insight to your heart and intuitive feelings.
#8 Surrender. By being present in the moment, and surrendering to the now, judgments and future expectations of others are completely dissolved. Every connection or personal contact holds an opportunity for growth and learning. Attempt to neutralize polarity thinking and division by asking for the deeper meaning, the needed change or lesson of growth that is inherent in a circumstance, especially one that appears or feels painful to you. Surrendering to the now moment and feeling the feelings, while holding unconditional love allows greater acceptance to neutralize painful or confusing situations. If we constrict in a defensive posture or hold on to defend the situation, it amplifies the negativity of that situation and makes that situation vulnerable to interference and superimposed wills. Learn to let go, and let God.
#9 Be True to You. Honor your entire being and honor your life force, inquire and put forth the effort to know the contents of your heart and higher purpose for spiritual growth And only really give to others what feels joyful and aligned for your person. Do you not bargain yourself away or sacrifice your truth however, do not avoid tasks that build discipline of the personal character. Ask your multi-dimensional selves what they need to feel balanced and peaceful as you pay attention to your energetic and physical well-being. Generating love and kindness to ourselves as a loving but firm self-parent is a part of spiritual maturity. It is important to give generously to the inner child with acknowledgement and loving appreciation of witnessing the inner childs experiences.
The Relationship Mastery Guidelines are nine steps of practicing improved communication skills with a positive Service to Others orientation. It allows you to create a mutually energetic benefit from experiencing more spiritual connection, increased love and appreciation, and returning back more positive interactions from others to you. Our practice comes without attachment and without expectation placed upon others. This happens naturally when we follow some basic guidelines in certain areas where we have asked for spiritual growth beyond anything else to master old patterns that we are attempting to transcend during the ascension cycle. We may have periods of growth where we are undergoing a deep testing to our personal truth and personal beliefs, watching our 3D world crumble. We are undergoing a time where we will endure a life review, which is definitely testing our personal truth and personal beliefs against the authentic nature of our spiritual being. Eventually our goal is to be able to be in this world, yet not of it. And be able to generate more fulfilling, loving and appreciative bonds that are shared with other people, whether in groups, our community or within our own personal intimate relationships.
(Transcript- Ascension Q&A Life Review, June 2012)
Self love can be a difficult subject for many people to address,
especially because it’s one that society frowned upon for a while.
Strengthening your love for yourself was often viewed as vain,
and even to this day it’s mistaken as being selfish.
What we sometimes fail to recognize is …