PUBLISHED ON November 25, 2019
Completing a decade provides a powerful crossroads of what was, what Is, and what wants to Be.
I have been noticing a lot of people posting pics of themselves from a decade ago compared to today. While there are these noticeable physical differences, what is really happening is an INventory and a chronicling of where each of us has gone energetically, emotionally, and spiritually in the past decade.
While I don’t seem to have any pics from a decade ago due to a lot of movement and misplaced storage, I did feel to tap into the ‘me’ of a decade ago and feel what has shifted and what remained. Not so much a ‘self-improvement’ analysis, but more of a curiosity of things that still need my attention and heart space.
The most apparent thing to me when I feel back to those days is how fragmented and scattered I felt inside. I felt like multiple selves vying for a turn at the wheel of my destiny. A lot of frustration, depression, unfulfillment, and anxiety. I was still drinking but to a lesser degree and partaking occasionally in drug use and smoking. I was obsessed with politics and the threat of the ‘New World Order as a fascist overtaking of Liberty’ while feeling completely disconnected to Spirit and The Divine. It was very lonely and confusing time inside of me.
Ten years later I can feel myself much more unified, or becoming more unified. I have ventured inward enough to reclaim this scattered parts of me into closer proximity to each other and to this being named Gabriel. All of the reactions toward life have become more assuaged and held with care and love. I feel myself looking at the news as if I am looking at grand play curious to how it will all resolve while feeling more resolution within myself. The anxiety has lessened and been replaced by wonder.
Of course there are still threads that lie under the surface of this continued process. They are my going on places. My relationship to transparency, intimacy, leadership, romance, and my galactic amnesia. This is the INventory. The base tones of my intentions going forward. They are my daily meditations. What do I still have yet to feel and uncover to bring these more into healing and activation and less in hiding and shadow? They are my portals into the next decade.
If I were to have set intentions ten years ago, I can say I hit the mark on some but not on others. I looped on some things the last decade but made progress on others. It is seeing it holistically where compassion and motivation intersect. No judgement. Just discernment and activation. I do not want to be the same person tomorrow I was yesterday. This is a path laid with passionate self-love and not desperate self-improvement.
I recommend this exercise. It is illuminating and inspiring. If judgement comes up, then recognize that as a part of you to get to know. To become intimate with as a collaborator and not a conspirator. There is a lot to understand and feel from their point of view and it also helps to move them into the New with a different role. More of a guide. If you can feel the growth and hard-earned transformation than take the time to celebrate that and be grateful for it all.
Next you can project into the next decade and see what version of ‘You’ comes to your awareness. What would this person look and feel like if this current INventory was healed and integrated? That Self is a beacon and a guide as well. What would they have you do and feel each and everyday to embody them in those moments. Not by force but by care. It will still be challenging because that is when you know you are facing the edges of your fear and it is confronting that fear that transforms you and permits the embodiment of this future self.
As always, there is help and support along the way. I wouldn’t be here without it. So when you feel that need, seek it wherever it feels the most aligned to who you are in that moment. There is a sea of Love out there ready for your courage to take the journey even deeper.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.