Published August 15, 2015 | By Vidya Frazier
If you are deep into the Ascension process at this point, you are probably realizing that one of the areas of your life that is undergoing a “dimensional remodel” is that of your relationships with other people. This can be a challenging process.
Relationship patterns are shifting dramatically for many of us. We are being compelled to take a good look at our relationships currently in our lives and seeing what may no longer be resonating with the higher vibrations we are now embracing.
Looking at Our Old 3D Relationship Patterns
Many of us are finding that the people we’ve related to for much of our lives are people with whom we have little in common anymore. This can be confusing and unsettling. People who were once so important in our lives just seem to be drifting away. In a way, we don’t miss them; but often there isn’t anyone else replacing them in our lives yet.
And even those relationships with people we are still feeling a resonance with are presenting challenges. The Ascension process is bringing up all the unawakened patterns we are expressing with others, patterns that continue to cause us suffering and conflict. Indeed, we are being compelled to examine the dysfunctional ways in which we have functioned in relationship in general throughout our lives.
And what we see at this point is likely reflective of how we have probably related to people throughout our entire existence for thousands of years in the Third Dimension—a dimension in which an inherent sense of fear, separation, and unworthiness existed in our consciousness.
We can see that most of our unhealthy relationship patterns are ones we took on naturally growing up in a world in which people have generally been spiritually asleep and unaware of what actual love from a higher dimension might look like. They are patterns that tend to cause us disappointment, grief, anger and hurt in our relationships.
These patterns can include unhealthy dynamics that are generally recognized today as “co-dependent”. There are many 3D labels given to people in this type of relationship, such as “narcissistic”, “caretaking”, “enabling”, or “abusive”.
If we are currently involved in relationships that might be labeled in this way, we are likely finding there’s a new intensity lately that has arisen in them. The fifth-dimensional energies that are entering our relationship dynamics are intensifying painful emotions we may have been able to ignore till now—but no longer can.
3D Dependence in Relationships
In one way, it’s easy enough to identify relationship patterns we have that we’ve always known to be somewhat dysfunctional. There are certainly plenty of books and webinars out there that can help us find solutions on how to shift our patterns into healthier ones. And these patterns, naturally, are ones we need to tend to as we ascend into higher vibrations, or we’re going to get really uncomfortable.
However, from a fifth-dimensional point of view, there is one reason that is rarely if ever named that in many ways has been the cause of all relationship difficulties. And that is the common 3D belief that the purpose of relationships with family, spouses, and good friends is to give us an essential sense that we are lovable, valuable, and important.
In the old third-dimensional paradigm we all grew up in, we were taught that our loved ones were there to fulfill this emotional need. This belief sounds so right—and warm and cozy, in a way. It’s familiar. It’s what we’ve always accepted to be true. And to some degree, we have all managed to survive certain situations in life because we have felt our emotional needs to be at least mostly met by our relationships.
But as we move forward on our Ascension path, it can be valuable to question this belief. Is that really the purpose of relationship? If you think about it, you can see how this assumption includes a belief that we are not inherently whole or able to experience our own value, lovableness, and inherent worth, without someone else’s help.
And more importantly, it means that we must continue to put up with all the grief and rage we can sometimes feel when our loved-ones don’t give us what we feel they “should” give us on the emotional level.
How many conflicts throughout our lives has this tacit agreed-upon arrangement created for us—that our loved-ones are there to fill our emotional needs? How many times have the people we’ve assigned the task of meeting these needs fallen short in fulfilling them? And how many times have we fallen short in taking care of their emotional needs? How often have you—or your loved one—painfully exclaimed: “You’re not meeting my needs!”
So many power struggles steeped in feelings of hurt, betrayal and guilt arise out of this usually unconscious agreement between people that they are there to fill each other’s emotional needs. Such a sense of helplessness can come up when we’ve given the power to someone else to be responsible for our own happiness.
When we look at this issue, we can see how it points back to our need, as we shift into fifth-dimensional consciousness, to truly develop a sense of love for ourselves and to be able to rely on that, first and foremost, for our sense of feeling valuable, loved and respected.
We need to see that if we are going to truly find a freedom from hurt, blame and anger in our relationships, it is not the job of other people to give us a sense of emotional wholeness; it is up to us. Whatever love and validation others offer to us can simply serve to enhance this sense we already have within ourselves.
Freedom in 5D Relationships
If we’re used to having relationships based on the typical 3D model, it may sound as if a relationship without this agreement to take responsibility for each other’s needs would be a dry, unemotional and disconnected type of relationship. But until we experience one in which this is not the agreement, we can’t know this.
When we move into fifth-dimensional consciousness, we can find that without these emotional types of demands on each other, we can have warm, loving, and highly-fulfilling 5D relationships that run smoothly without a lot of drama.
We find that although we do give each other a great deal of love, respect and support, we are not dependent on each other’s love to feel good about ourselves, to feel valuable and important.
The love we receive from others is a bonus, an overflow that is much appreciated and valued; but is not needed at the core of our being, because we are able to provide the love we need from within ourselves. There is therefore no emotional demand that the others we’re in relationship with give us the love we need in order to feel good about ourselves.
And, very importantly, our love for them springs solely from our true caring and compassion for them—not from a need that they provide us with something in return. It’s an unconditional love, free of demands that a person act in a certain way or be something different from who they are.
The Importance of Self-Love
To be able to feel and express this kind of love to someone, of course, demands first that we learn how to love ourselves that way. In a certain way, the task of learning self-love is at the core of all our Ascension learning. Being cut off from the true knowing of ourselves as spiritual Beings as we were for so long in the Third Dimension has made it next to impossible to know our true inherent lovableness and value.
But thankfully, our journey back into full consciousness is awakening us once again to the incredible magnificence of who we are and how we truly don’t need any outer reinforcement or reflection to let us know and experience our inherent value and beauty. It is self-evident.
And, among other things, this realization can make our relationships with others much more fulfilling and flow with greater ease and joy.
Meanwhile, as we find our way through this shift of awareness toward 5D relationships, it’s very important to find compassion for ourselves and rest in it. We need to acknowledge that this is not an easy transition to make.
We are emerging out of thousands of years of awkward, unawakened attempts to find love and safety through our relationships with other people who themselves have not been awake or fulfilled. There are a lot of age-old beliefs and illusions we need to have the courage to shed in order to discover what truly free and awake relationships can be like.
But as we do let go of our old beliefs and habits around relationship and learn to truly give ourselves the love we need—what freedom, richness and joy we can discover in our new 5D relationships!