Forgiveness is easily mistaken as a weakness. A misconception on our part where we enable our ego to shine in all of its pride, anger, blame and resentment.
We’ve all been victim to hurt and abuse in varying degrees. Whether it is actively directed towards us, witnessed or acted upon by one’s self. Acknowledging and standing in the hurt is one thing, however holding on to that pain is what hinders personal healing and ultimately blocks you from feeling potential peace and happiness within yourself. When you play into the victim mentality long-term and allow negative energy to fester within you, you are also allowing yourself to perceive your external world in ways that invite fear, creating disharmony in current relationships and blocking potential relationships and experiences. Overall, sitting in this mindset is where you are inadvertently placing negative impact on your emotional wellbeing. Contrary to common belief, disengaging from compassion and forgiveness is where you are giving your power away to the people or situations that have hurt you, possibly giving them the reaction they intended upon you.
I am obviously aware our negative experiences can vary significantly. On one end of the spectrum, a stranger could say something unexpectedly in passing that triggers you or then there are the unfortunate events that are incomprehensible and sinister, deemed unforgivable to most people. I am by no means suggesting that a rape victim make excuses for her perpetrator and deviate from taking judicial action. What I am suggesting is that you do what you can do emotionally to propel yourself towards self-healing, giving yourself the opportunity to experience life the way you should and step back into your power rather than go down a path of self-loathing, depression, blame and isolation. No matter what we experience, we and only we have the ultimate control over what we allow ourselves to feel on the inside. Given that, the level of healing for each individual is subjective given the personal circumstances and progress relies on a great deal of inner-strength and self-determination. Whether it’s self-healing or professional help, the proactive step here is the direction towards healing which is the best thing you can do for yourself.
From personal experience, below is some basic advice that may help you along your self-healing journey.
When you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow.
1) Face your emotions
When these situations occur, more times than not we suppress the emotion and mask it with fakery and hope it will just fade away. We can feed into illicit substances, excess alcohol, destructive behaviour, virtually anything that can either distract you or numb your pain. Then there are times where you know what it is your feeling and live in it, breathe it and direct it outwardly to the world around you displayed in acts of anger, revenge, arguments and physical violence because you believe others deserve it. Then there are also the times when your experiences lead you to place negative perceptions about yourself creating a lack of self-worth and taking a front seat to a path of self-destruction. It is in your best interest to take the time and space to feel what you’re feeling. Journal it, cry, talk about it to a friend or seek professional help and do it again and again if you have too. This form of release will give you an almost instant relief and a sense of lightness and peace.