This post is a bit of a sharing in a way not previously done. It is the method used when trying to discern the root of emotional turmoil. This is my own turmoil. It has been quite the ride since the last week of March. Today I was expecting to write about other things, worldly things and outward changes. Instead, this came up. In this sharing it is hoped that some of you may be assisted as well. The first few sentences are me, (my “ego self”); the last part is a sort of melding. It is both me and that part of me who I’ve come to regard as my greater self.
My struggle continues and well’s up from deep within. There is a void no one can fill.
Yes. You are beginning to understand. It is the human dilemma, created as you brought forth this body. In form, there is not access to all that you are. Thus, you seek, relentlessly, that aspect.
All judgment is self-abuse. All discomfort – self-directed. Those free of inhibitions become your greatest teachers then. Why do you frown in their direction?
It is not that there is something wrong with them, but something they represent, is unsaid from you, even to yourself.
You refuse to self-examine, for that brings up the greatest pain.
To look beneath the mirror is not possible while human.
You are left, then, with judgment, and follow up attempts at rectification – “I will change my shirt”, “I will put on make-up”, “I will smile”, “I will not watch this person, place or thing that seems to cause discomfort to erupt and shout out judgment” “I forbid ___”, “I will try harder”, “I will be good” and on and on and on and on…
What is left, all that is left, is you. Standing there, seeing your reflection, considering which fix will finally fix it for good.
There is no such adjustment. Change clothes, jobs, spouses, lovers, friends or homes and STILL THE MIRROR HOLDS THE SAME REFLECTION.
As the world disintegrates its slavery structures, we remain with mirrors in hand.
This post reminds us what is true every time. It is the answer to the question and the reason that physical alteration does not forever satisfy. The truth is not found in “other”.
…and make one more leap, you see that we reside in a box that cannot contain the expanse of what we are.
This box is not a coffin. This box is a body. This box is illusory. It is the BELIEF IN ITS VALUE THAT CREATES SO MUCH MISERY.
You can change the box anytime, and have no effect on your worth.
What it takes, we come to realize at this late stage of our ascension/awareness process, is letting go. You can move so much more easily when you aren’t hanging on to something.
Until you are willing to appear weightless, you are burdened with judgment, and stuck to the box.
Letting go does not mean dying (although that works). It means retaining awareness of value every time and in every instance. It looks like regarding yourself with kindness. It feels like self-care. It puts no hierarchy on people, while retaining always a single directive. This directive rests beneath all of your actions.
This directive puts the heart always first and foremost. It does not advocate activity, talk or plans that chip away at sovereignty. It is humbling. The heart is the beginning of it all, the reason for it all, the source. Not any heart – your heart.
The last 6 weeks of my life have turned it upside down. Four “jobs” were ended in shocking and unexpected ways, while conditions, physical and emotional, rise to the surface that have been brewing for decades. As I navigate these, I am left with one conclusion, and it is shattering. I can no longer pretend. Anywhere.
There is no more “faking it until making it”. It is time to BE. In every moment, I am left with only truth. My heart will not be stifled or silenced or shut down. It is looking to birth brilliance and will not be hidden.
I am ashamed, gladdened, humbled and frightened for this learning. The extreme nature of it foretells massive change.
I cannot do this alone (or pretending to be). We are united at our core and it is time to trust both self and other. Separation is illusion.
Above all else, we love. It is the source of that love that bursts forth now, demanding its place in our illusory life. Our wildest imaginings are about to be realized.
Let go. We came to fly.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.