Beloveds, I have heard you say to Me:
“God, sometimes I feel that I am not connecting with You. Then I sit down with You personally, and the power of You enters my heart, and all the tawdry world no longer exists. It is as if You so gently, instantly and all powerfully, touch my heart and calm it. There is something where the Essence of You sweeps everything else aside, and I feel a tight connection with You, as if, truly, You are my Very Self.
“At these times, my pulse throbs: ‘God is here. My God is here. God and I are really One. There is no parting between Us. We are seamless.’
“God, You become my own Knowingness. It is like everything else that preoccupies me gets out of the way. What is left then? What can be left but You, God, exhilarating my heart, coursing through me – only You and nothing but You. You are not Nothing. You are Something, and You are deep within me. You are tenured within me. You are the Very Beat of My Heart. You are embedded in Me. For a few moments, nothing but You exists. I forget myself.
“You save me from my dependency on the outer world which, sooner or later, seems to let me down. You, God, You raise me up. You hold me on top of the world. You overshadow the clouds of the world. You lift me to Holy Heaven, and, for a few moments, I am here complete with You. Nothing is missing or can be missing, for Our hearts exchange love, and that’s all there is. Your love is safe within me. You fill my heart, and I am full of You.
“You are more than sweet cream, yet I am filled with sweet cream, and the abundance and sweetness of Your Love. It can only be cream I am filled with. I am filled with nothing else. Even as I feel Your Fullness and say these words, there is nothing for me to say, and there is no way for me to convey the love with which You anoint me, yet You are far beyond thoughts in my head. You are beyond thought. I have no thought. I am fullness. You are rich cream in my heart, and the sweetness and dearness of You flow through me, and You are my Whole Existence.
“You have given me the Miracle of You. You lift me as if on a pedestal from which I can never fall, yet, it seems that I set You aside to leave me to rant and rave about my loneliness and wonder where You are.
“Then it seems that for the rest of the day, I set myself aside from You so that I practice once again my ordinary human-ness which I equate with pangs of pain and loneliness as if they were my inheritance over love.
“Why, God, would I ever let go of You for one second? I think I am not able to multi-task, not that You are a task, yet I do not yet know how to live life in the world without my little self included. Either You are totally in my embrace, or You are out of my embrace. I don’t know how to be 100% You unless I am in seclusion with You.
“I don’t yet know how to be You and in the world at the same time. It’s not that I am half You and half me. I do not seem to know how to be One with You while active in the world. For me, to be in the world seems to hold lots more pain than joy, to the extent that I would love to be only with You even as that might mean I do not participate in the world.
“It is as if I must choose You, or I must choose the world. I do not seem to know how to have You and the world at the same time. I know this cannot really be true because You have said that We, You and I, are immersed as One. Oh, if only I were aware of this. You say I can be aware. Will You, God, please grant that my faithless heart become totally and permanently One with Yours?”
And, of course, My answer is Yes, Yes, Yes.
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