Gwyneth Paltrow has received a lot of ridicule and triggered anger within people about her ‘conscious uncoupling’ statement. I think that it’s fantastic that this concept is being talked about today in the mainstream. I’m seeing more of it happening among friends and family, and that’s a good thing that is teaching us all about new possibilities in the world of relationship endings, especially where children are involved.
Being ‘conscious’ about an ending doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, and that there isn’t sadness there. Among other things it means addressing your own inner child issues and wounds instead of projecting blame on the other, dealing with things as a healthy, whole, adult and taking responsibility for how you choose to live your life. Sometimes one partner does want to separate consciously, and another doesn’t, so of course it isn’t always possible to have combined harmony. But good on the couples, and parents, who can do it.
The fact is, parents need to continue to co-parent their children after divorce and all power to them if they can do that in a conscious, healthy way. I think this would take tremendous inner strength, and we should surely be encouraging this not attacking it! Bitterness toward each other is felt by the children, and affects so much of who the children are and become, including affecting their blueprint for relationships.
My parents divorced when I was 7 in the days when the judge told my dad it was best to emotionally separate from us, and even though we continued to see each other it affected him and us – which we’ve done a lot of work on since! (I’ll never forget the day Dad watched an episode of Oprah on this topic, called me up, and said “Oh, I get it!!”) Thank goodness we are evolving from those days!!
Divorce isn’t easy on anyone, but I have to give my parents credit for never talking badly about each other to us and doing it the best way they knew how. Okay, we didn’t all continue to go away on happy family trips such as the one Gwyneth and fam are apparently on right now, but if they are all able to do that and they feel peaceful about it, good for them.
As a kid I knew divorce was tough, but I have a deeper understanding of how difficult it must be in every way, since becoming a parent myself and watching close friends navigate it every day. Sending love, respect and admiration to all you parents out there who are co-parenting after divorce the best way you can!
(c) Dana Mrkich 2014